We spend our time in meetings.

Meetings at work. Meeting friends. Meetings where we present and meetings where we are presented to. Meetings with all sorts of people. Meetings in the real world and meetings over screens and in the future meetings in virtual spaces.

In fact, many of us spend so much time in meetings that how we spend our time in meetings is how we spend a large part of our careers!

In business there are many who find meetings a waste of time and try to make them as short, small and few as possible. Many try to avoid meeting people and have gate keepers and delay tactics ready to brandish. Some leaders use meetings as ways to ensure discipline and instill fear.

A different way to approach meetings.

There are a lot of books and articles on meeting management and how to get the most out of gatherings. Most of them are utter and complete BS because they all focus on how we can get the most out of a meeting, while the focus should be how can we give the most in a meeting.

If we go to a meeting with an “extraction” mindset versus a “giving” mindset we are likely face a number of problems including a) missing meetings where we may have been able to share our knowledge and therefore build goodwill and our reputation , b) become so focused on what we are looking for that we do not discover what we need and c) becoming over confident that we know more than anybody else that we do not learn and grow.

So, we might end up with less and less knowledge, find ourselves shocked and surprised at things that come from left field and suffer a diminished reputation.

To maximize our meeting experiences, we should focus on generosity, empathy and energy as the keys to meetings.

a) Generosity.

How can we leave the person or the people whom we are meeting with or presenting to with a gift? A gift of knowledge or insight or a way to see things that they did not have before. Something that makes them believe that it was a good use of their timeto be in the meeting.

Besides knowledge some other ways to be generous include appreciation of their skills and their contributions. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and recognized for their good work.

Another way to be generous is to provide guidance. People are hungry for advice, directions and stories to navigate whatever challenge or situation they face. Providing perspectives, stories and experiences resonate and scale in empowering and growing people.

Knowledge. Appreciation. Guidance.

b) Empathy.

How can we truly understand the other persons perspective and point of view because in doing so we will grow even if you disagree with their perspective or view. If we are presenting, how can we make sure that our talk is relevant to the audience and the issues they have in mind and not some boiler plate boiled anew. Is it not ironic when speakers talk of relevance and customization and but do not customize or make relevant their content to their audience? Basically, they are saying that their time is more valuable than the audience!

Three ways to ensure empathy is to seek to understand by asking, listening and re-stating the problem and situation. By reframing the problem using analogies and other categories and finally by sharing relevant personal experiences.

Understanding signals we are listening. Re-framing telegraphs that the problem or challenge being faced has been shared by others. Personal experiences ensure a human connection and re-enforces that we have been in this person’s shoes or seen others who have been.

Understand. Reframe. Storytelling.

c) Energy.

How can we leave the folks in the meeting more energized and feeling better about themselves? So much of success is attitude, belief and hope. So many meetings leave folks dispirited, brow beaten, scared and worried. One does not have to be all bouncing beans unrealistic but let’s be pragmatically enthusiastic if we want progress.

There are three keys to ending a meeting with energy. First is clarity. People should be clear what next steps are for each of them. Second is belief which is a belief that they can tackle these next steps and finally a plan which is how they go about doing the next steps. At the end of every meeting are things clear, do people believe they have the tools and skills to do what is next and do they have a plan?

Clarity. Belief. Plan.

By focusing on giving versus getting we are almost guaranteeing a great meeting because at minimum the other folks leave the room better off and feeling positive about us. And in feeling that way they become an ally, a supporter and an advocate for us, so we get something out of it.

But what happens is much more. During the meeting once they understand that we are giving without asking, they give in return. Knowledge. Insights. Help. Lots of other stuff. Often in the meeting or as a follow up.

Finally, because we have treated their time as precious, they treat our time as precious.

And this approach to meeting works in both the real world and the virtual world. It works across every culture and country. It is effective in both personal and business situations.

Think about the other person or people.

And meetings become valuable, fun, educational and energizing.

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